Category: Dating and Relationships
Ok, I have a friend who was upset to discover that her boyfriend had his ex-girlfriends name as a password for his e-mail. This brought up a discussion between me and a few other people including her, and we were debating if itt was a problem that his ex's name was his password. He says that it had been his password forever and he just didn't feel like he should change it. She felt that it wasn't rite that this was the case. question: would this upset you?
how stupid and immature.
Not as much as it would if he were still boning her.
If the password is the biggest issue in the relationship, then 'your friend' is a very lucky girl. It's a minor thing that she needs to keep in context incase it begins to consume her.
Don't try to make him erase his past; she'll always be part of his life but he's moved on. In short, no, I wouldn't be bothered.
But then I make a rule of always killing my girlfriends' exes ...
I agree wholeheartedly with Shawn. Try telling the vexed friend to go and kill some children and a couple old ladies; that always does wonders for my moods, at any rate.
lol jim your so weird lol
Agreed. It's stupid and frivolous. If she's gonna get jacked out of shape over something that inconsequential, what about when the real problems come?
Agreed with all the previous. Um, except Jim, maybe. Lol. I could not care less about stuff like that. I've been told I'm too laid back when it comes to relationships, but I think I'd much rather be accused of that than spaz because my partner's password for something was their ex's name. Not a big deal, unless there's more to the story and that's just a contributing factor.
Password? Nope. I wonder why he even told her, but that shows he's open, so she should forget it.
yeah. agree with everyone, including bauer. lol
k i'm glad i'm not the only one lol, yeah i'd only be upset if he was doing her behind my back or something
I would be glad he told me. It's only a password.
wow? um, agreed with everyone. That wouldn't even piss me off, and I'm a self proclaimed posessive bastard. lol
I agree that it's ridiculous. As long as he isn't with her and doesn't compare his new girlfriend to her in his mind, he shouldn't have to change everything that came before his current girlfriend.
agree with everyone. including jim too. lol
and janelle, like i always say. if it would upset you that he's doing her behind your back, just turn around and watch. lmao
It would not bother me. It is just a word, and if he is a good guy, it will not matter.
lmao laury
That's why I don't tell my gf's my passwords, or have my passwords be their names. But yeah, agree with everyone.
I guess I have to be the voice of dissent. I wouldn't be upset per se, but I'd rather my love didn't use his ex's name or anything connected to their relationship as his password. It's not exactly that I'm jealous, and of course I realize that everyone has a history and I'm glad he has happy memories, but I kind of like to pretend that he is mine, will always be mine--and has always been mine. Thus, I don't much like reminders that he used to feel for others what he now feels for me. I know it's silly and I guess I'm insecure, but that's just how I feel.
Well I think you're wrong, but let's go with it for a while.
1. We've recently started dating and you discover that my password is an ex's name. Would you expect me to change it?
2 We've been together for a couple of years and in my house you see an album of photos going back years. Some of them contain photos of an ex with me, with a group of friends etc. Should I get rid of these?
3. I used to date a woman who I still work with. I still see her everyday but I'm committed to you. How bothered would you be by this?
Just putting the questions out there to see the response. 1 and 2 wouldn't bother me much but 3? I'd have some jealousy but as I said before, I'd be more concerned if I didn't think you were still into me ...
Hmm. First of all, using your current SO's name from a security standpoint isn't very smart. Though most people wouldn't think that you'd use an x's. I've done this once, but I mangled the name, so that even if they did guess it, it wouldn't be easy. I've never told any GF's I've had my passwords to anything, but I think that's more of an issue of "it didn't come up." If I'm going to trust someone enough that they're going to be my gf, I'm pretty sure if the need arose, I would be able to trust them with my passwords, though for most situations I can't thihnk of any reason why I would need to.
I would never give bf's my passwords. They don't need them, and if for once I do want them to look something of mine up, they better forget them really quickly. I probably wouldn't be happy with a bf if I found out their ex-gf was their password, but it's something that I don't want to know or need to know. Y would I need their password, anyway? I guess that's just me, being insecure.
i don't really think it's a big deal. after all, it's just a password!
LOL, for the ones who'd have a problem...How about your husband having an exes name on his arm. LOL, I don't care, she's part of his past, and while it will be covered when we can afford it, I'm not going to the bank to get a loan to get it covered.
Wow, now, that might bother me just a bit. I would want it covered, or, something... But the password thing, nah, wouldn't bother me to much. If he wants to change it, then that's fine, but I'm not going to ask him to, or be upset if he doesn't.
Break up with the girl, She not worth changing a password for.
The having his ex's name on his arm thing wouldn't even bother me that much, honestly. It would only bother me if he had it done while we were together--then there're some problems. But everyone has a past, and there are other people in that past, and I'm not the kind of person who can or even wants to pretend that I'm the only one he's ever had feelings for. Past experiences make us who we are today, and I want to know about my significant other's past, including exes. I can understand wanting the name removed, but I wouldn't make it a priority, and that's no more worth getting upset over than the password thing is.
I tend to agree with Chelsea here, and I'm quite a jealous person. I would rather know of my partner's past loves, as it's what helped shape them into who they are. While I'm not a big lover of tattoos I think the fact a partner had an ex's name put there shows his intentions for life long commitment, which is surely something we want.
No I would not be upset about that. The thing is, it's been his password for years. who cares?
I see various levels of trust here. if you cannot trust your partner with a password: I'm glad that you are not my partner.
And Susanne I agree with what you said in post 18.
and um, how the hell did she know his password anyhow?
Yup, it's just a password. Now Dusty asked three questions in post 19. 1 and 2 don't bother me, but in answer to 3, it would depend what kind of person that ex is.
I'm known to be jealous, but the fact is the tatoo is just that. It doesn't bother me. The prime reason we'd like to get it covered is, (1) He wants it done, and, (2) Can you imagine our children when they're old enough to read looking at his arm and asking, "Daddy, who's Apryl?" I think that would be very difficult to explain, and while having it there doesn't bother me, it isn't something I'm proud of either...*shrug* Either way to a certain extent. As far as the pwd...Big deal, it's just a name. Maybe it's a name he simply likes, or maybe he hasn't gotten around to change it, or maybe he just likes it...Either way, who's he with and why? Isn't the more important than what he uses for a pwd? In my opinion it is. And, yes, I know my husband's pwd's, and he knows mine. No big deal. We don't tell others, but it makes it handy if I'm doing something and want to log-in somewhere when I'm done...He logs me in, and it's less I have to do...Or, if he's busy and needs his e-mail or whatever checked...Same thing, no big deal. Not like I think my husband is a security risk...He better not be, or why am I with him in the first place? We don't make a habit of keeping any kind of secrets, and we're comfortable enough with each other to discuss anything, and I do mean anything...Anyways, I guess what I'm saying the ultamit question is trust...Do you believe in his/her love? Or, are you uncertain? And, do you trust him/her enough to deal with jealousy in a constructive mode? Or, are you going to let it ruin your relationship?
passward sharing? while we both are accepting to share ourselves with our partners, why not the passwards? if he or she is not ready to share such silly things, I'm sure they won't prolong together....
Raaj.
It's silly. Who cares what the password is? One of mine is my crush from eighth grade's name lol!
It's all silly. If you have changed it to the x's name after you were with the new person it might be a bit of a problem, but seriously if that's a big problem your relationship is a big problem.
What's this facination with sharing passwords? I've never given any passwords that matter to anyone, and I've also never asked to go poking through someone's email or contact list. If I have doubts about whether or not I can trust someone that I'm in a relationship with, then that relationship has some pretty serious issues. I'd rather find someone that I can trust implicitly instead of always second guessing.
Convenience and absolute trust; that's what it shows for me. Besides, in my case, we have no secrets, and I do mean none, and we always let each other know what we're doing...That is if the one hasn't asked the other to do it already...For example, I told my husband then when I was done on the Zone I'd check his email if he wants; as we're expecting an important email, sharing one computer and he's doing other things.
I agree this is not something to be upset about. The one question that I have to ask even though It's already been mentioned is why would anyone feel the need to give people their passwords, I mean that's fine to do, but just make sure before you give them out that the person you're giving them to is a trustworthy person, and they'd not tell anyone else what the passwords are.
If your dating someone (or even more serious about them) I hope you'd trust them?
This openness to the nth degree is admirable, in some ways, but I couldn't live with such a complete lack of privacy. I have never needed to, or been asked to share passwords, and I don't see any reason to. Any partner I have doesn't need to read email that I write to my friends! If anything happened to me, and friends needed to be contacted, then their phone numbers are written down somewhere else.
This issue just seems silly, to me. I have a friend whose boyfriend regularly seemed to get hold of her passwords, and I can never understand how this happened, or why she allowed it to happen. And, it really irritated me to receive email from my friend's address, only to find that the boyfriend actually wrote it--a guy who I don't know. I can't see why you'd let someone invade your space, virtual or real, and then throw a fit about it after.
But as to the password question, I'd not be too thrilled, but whatever. It is just a grouping of letters, and really should not be a big deal.
I use combinations of dogs names, myself. These things are meant to be passwords which cannot be guessed, and it seems that a partner's name is easily guessed. LOL
i've posted on this board before so I wont repeat my views on password sharing. In relation to trust and honesty though, 100% openness is neither natural, desirable or possible. We all have our thoughts and experiences, and self-control and self-protection are important parts of our being. To divulge every aspect of our lives to our partners is to completely subjugate ourselves to them, which is wrong. As an example you can't pass something on to your partner that has been told to you in confidence by your best friend. And some things from our past just aren't relevant to today, so though they may class as 'secrets' they are of no consequence and therefore don't *need* to be shared. Now, back to the topic at hand lol
When I say completely open I'm not talking about telling every little second of every little day. But, I do share my pertinant thoughts and emotions with him...IE, if I'd like to try something, change something about what I'm doing, ETC; I see no harm in telling him. We feel free to talk about everything that we need/want to talk about...No matter how uncomfortable the subject may be. IMO, this attitude has allowed us to talk about the future (realistically), sex, money, religion, dreams, politics, ETC, without being offended if the other doesn't agree; although about sex it at least helps to agree. LOL. Anyways, that's my take, if I haven't been clear feel free to ask.
lol! that would take forever. and, anyway, i don't want to know every little second of my partner's life. what ever they do, is there business. and if you really trust them, then it shouldn't matter.
it can't upset me, cause he never had a girlfriend before! lmfaooo!
Well, if it is true that he just didn't want to change it and that he had it for a while, then it would be fine with me, but if I found out that it was not true but that he changed it recently - yes, it would upset me, or i would at least ask him honestly and bluntly what this means.
Yes. this would upset me. He obviously hasn't completely moved on from his X girl yet. this if very immature.
Leslie
yah how inmature, that's nothing I'd be pist off if he was getting his rocks off with her. it's just a password for crying out loud.
Well, true, it's just a password, but if you read between the lines, it would be a good sign that he is not yet over his x. Yes, I understand that when you get used to using the same password for years and years, it's easier to remember, but just the thought of writing the name of the person every day when you log in makes me think that he is still reminded by her in some way. Yes, it will upset me.
I seem to be rather a jealous person, so I would probably have a problem with it, but at the same time, some people's passwords do just stick, (I've had the same one for years.)
Sure, I definitely want to know about my partners past, but, I have to say tha I think the guy mentioned in the original post was asking for trouble when he let his current girlfriend know of his password.
Guys, you must remember, that everyone is different, and there is no right and wrong to how an individual should be made to feel.
try having an ex hack in to your msn, hotmail, and zone accounts. When that doesn't satisfy his jealousy, he tracks yor i s p, and has his friends spy on you as well. It's a bloody password, sounds like a bit of insecurity on your friends part. That's why they call them ex's.
i agree with many other people who have said it before, it's just a pass word, and pass words can be changed. however, if you don't feel comfortable giving any pass word out to anyone, partner or family even, then don't. if your partner has an ex's name as a pass word for something, then it's not the end of the world, but, if he did it after they broke up, then he could have either just been to lazy to change it, or didn't think his gf would mind.
No because my ex's name is my password for some things, and if I were to get a bf that had a problem with it then he'd just have to get over it because I'm not changing it! But again I think it depends on the situation. But no, I think that's too jealous!
Many people just get into relationships for the purpose of having some level of security, be it financial, psychological or emotional. Not all people have the same level of dedication when it comes to serious relationships either, hence; I can understand that people wouldn't want to share passwords with their partners.
However, in my opinion, if you have a problem trusting your partner with something as simple as a password or pin, you either are not in it for the long run or you have serious trust issues. Just remember that one day you will need someone to trust you and if you never gave anyone the chance to gain your trust, you'd surely have noone that would trust you. Lol, did that make sense? If it didn't, I'll just blame it on the jungle that I live in.
Having a healthy distrust is obviously important as well. Giving out your info and trusting every Tom Dick and Will isn't exactly the smartest thing to do either.
It's only a password for God's sake.
I would NEVER give my girlfirend any personal information such like a password because it could very well be your defeat in the end if the relationship doesn't last expecially if it doesn't end on good terms.
in response to post 55:
If your intention is that your relationship won't last and you focus on that fact, chances are that it probably wouldn't last.
Nope that was more of an example what could happen. Maybe I should've clarified in that post but failed to. It's never happened to me and hope it never does and to anyone else for that matter but hear stories about it sometimes, and I'm like fuck that's crazy but I'm a security freak when comes down passwords and things like that.
No and I most certainly don't focus on the fact that you mentioned above, I love a relationship to last as long it can, sorry if I made it sound like that but that truly not waht I meant but to each his/her own.
Hahahahahahahahahaha! What...?
Of course I wouldn't. He has every right to do so, and besides I have no business to know his passwords anyways.